Rain serenade

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John.

my-h-e-a-r-t-s-not-in-it:

hey sorry im late i didnt want to come

(via qaybar)

if i have to read one more goddamn article “making fun of the hipster” i swear to god

       Anonymous

What I’d consider a “perfect day” does not consist of you, me or anyone else getting hanged.

i want this wine in my veins but i lack the motivation to drink it!!

       Anonymous

Normally I’d ignore this, but considering our election went to shit, I feel it might be worth actually replying.

First of all, I’m not homosexual, nor am I heterosexual. I want to emphasize this because I live in a  monogamous heterosexual relationship, i.e. my partner is a cissexual woman and I am a cissexual man - but neither of us are straight. I could live my whole life “pretending” to be heterosexual but that’s not who I am, nor is it an excuse for someone uncomfortable with differing sexualities to “accept” me because at least I’m not, say, homosexual.

With the whole “street goth”-thing the last couple of years, I know for a fact that I gained quite a lot of followers coming from a place where clothing, “style”, personal expression et al. has been foreign - I understand where you’re coming from, because I’ve been there myself.  I know that a lot of my followers on here would be appalled had I posted pictures of myself kissing a man and not a woman. I understand where you’re coming from, too. It’s hard to expand your consciousness when you’re stuck in the extremely intolerant place being (a) heterosexual (man) is. This reply is aimed at every single person who has to add “no homo” at the end of sentences to dare step outside what you’re supposed to be like, to think like.

I’ve been there and it is horrible, it made me hate myself in really strange ways - not only because I wasn’t exclusively attracted to women and thus actively oppressing a large part of who I am, but even more so the fact that acting like that, all the  “humorous hate”, only having friends who are like you, it makes you incomplete. Incomplete and an asshole. Yes, your group of friends laughs with you when you piss all over others, but deep inside you feel something dark and sharp growing. At least I did. This kind of self-loathing is different, it tears at you in unique ways that I’m sadly not well-spoken enough to describe. English is not my primary language and describing the abstract is hard enough in Swedish, so this is better left for the poets and journalists.

That lump growing in my chest could very well have pushed me into the complete opposite direction, it could have intensified those thoughts, turned them into pure-blooded hate. That lump grows at the same pace as your fear and it is a viscious fucking cycle. While it might sound like I’m describing being part of a group of kickers, white supremacists, anti-hbt activists, that’s not the case, don’t be fooled into thinking intolerance is only prevalent in extremists. My friends growing up, classmates in compulsary school, were, just like I was, popular, did great in school, were regarded as intelligent, et cetera. This is part of being “Normal”, I guess, and it was fucking torture.

13% of voting Swedes let that lump - that tumour - of hate, fear and sadness push them further down into the darkness. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, class-hate, disgust for the disabled, for people who already have it worse than you, this is what people end up endorsing in their search for relief. SD, Sweden Democrats, is now the biggest party in western Europe that directly stems from nazism. Not just ideological, but a nazi party “cleaned up”. A party which had former SS as members, who used to burn books by jewish authors, who cheerfully wish death upon children, who arm themselves with iron pipes. Who used to don the swastika with pride and still do, but behind closed doors. A party with supporters that not only threaten people with violence, rape and murder, but actually do these things to the people they consider dissidents. Advocates of love, of tolerance, are mortal enemies to this void.

Two more things I must emphasize further:

I’m not saying people of color, people who transition and people who are getting targeted by these people have to or even should take the discussion with their oppressors, with people who gladly would see them killed. This is not a situation where both “sides” are equal. My intentions are not in the slightest to act as a saviour or even as anything but a person that’s scared (I fear for the safety of my friends and adversaries alike) and sad (knowing people would throw countless others under the bus for lower taxes, who would not mind climbing on corpses to elevate themselves ever so slightly, breaks my heart). Do keep that in mind.

Neither am I talking FOR these people, for you. I’m not trying to tell you how you should act, react and feel about this development, especially if you are an even bigger target than, say, I am. I will stand behind you one hundred percent, not push you aside. If I ever say or act in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, please let me know. I am not a spokesperson for anyone but myself and “myself” in this case is a person who want every single one of you to be happy, the author of this message included. I truly, from the bottom of my heart, wish happiness upon you.

..And thus I implore you to come off anon and talk to me. Every single one of you who feels uncomfortable with who I fuck, what I look like: Please talk to me and I will do my best to turn those feelings around.

kiss

(Let me also add this: It’s worse for people who aren’t white. I don’t want to steal any focus from that fact and quite frankly it would be downright shitty of me to talk about what this means for a person of color. This was a response to an ask.)